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Ask The Sexpert: How Do Lesbians Have Actually Safer Intercourse? | GO Mag

Lately, i have been seeing plenty of various wellness methods and society frontrunners explore how lesbians have no need for condoms whatsoever within their gender methods. Which idea really perplexes myself! Everytime I see clearly somewhere, we pause and believe

huh? In which performed these individuals manage to get thier safer gender details from?

Photo by istock

This is part of more substantial societal problem for the reason that lesbian, queer and looking for bi women can be often left inside discussion about sexual health insurance and STIs. It really is as if people believe that


only come from penises hence lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies never previously



News flash:
STIs may be handed down in a variety of methods
. Through epidermis to epidermis get in touch with. From anal sex. From dental intercourse. From discussing sex toys. Just about whatever sex that you are having, it really is probably that STIs can possibly be offered, from individual to individual. It is in addition crucial to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual females often have actually penises. Or occasionally we make use of dildos during intercourse. As well as both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier method to decrease the likelihood of STIs being passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, you need to remember that it’s not the termination of globally should you decide test good for an STI. Your life plus sex life are not over. When we have the ability to gain access to this kind of safer gender info, then we can all develop and discover together—and have significantly more pleasant sex!

Pic by istock

We have currently discussed
various shield methods
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use whenever making love with each other. And indeed, condoms are included when it comes to those possibilities. You can make use of condoms as a barrier when having a penis in pussy or when having
anal sex
, when you’re making use of an adult toy or dildo, and you can also cut a condom down the heart (with scissors) if you need a dental care dam for analingus or dental intercourse. Whenever we inform women that sleep together with other women which they never


condoms to train much safer sex, our company is perpetuating this myth that our gender is actually intrinsically safe from any STIs getting shared.

Many of my lesbian, queer and bisexual pals often have a good laugh about precisely how they do not practice safer gender. We hear queer females make laughs about dental care dams and just how they not have as soon as utilized all of them. All this tends to make me personally ask yourself who within community carry out actually practice better gender? And in case the audience isn’t using shield strategies, are we next having detailed talks about all of our sexual health before we f*ck? Tend to be we constantly prioritizing acquiring examined between our partners? And not simply a pap smear (
for the reason that it doesn’t cover it all
), but like acquiring an entire work up?

I don’t say some of this getting judgmental, at all. I’ve already been that lady to have a good laugh about dental dams. I have additionally had one night appears in which I didn’t prioritize me personally or my lover’s sexual health. But i would like all of us accomplish better. I would like all of us to have genuine, nuanced discussions about the intimate health. As it does matter, babes. And that I would like to get past chuckling about dental dams and shrugging off condoms as a choice.

Frequently inside dialogue, I get asked

well, can you imagine i do want to use a dental dam but she does not think’s sensuous?

This fear is so prevalent that i’m like countless lesbian, queer and bisexual women are also nervous to ask their unique partners to practice safer gender. But let me tell you a queer lady secret, getting dental gender through a dental dam is actually sexy and seems incredible. Indeed, the individual it surely changes circumstances for may be the person offering the oral. Its a bit various of an event, but one that you can acquire made use of to! It really is sexy for the individual getting because 1. you are both prioritizing both’s sexual wellness, that’s hot AF and 2. in my own honest opinion, it still seems pleasurable as f*ck.

I also know how hard it can be to bring up the discussion of STIs just before have sexual intercourse, specifically if you’ve never had sex with this specific person before. A very important factor I’ve learned inside my years of messily navigating gender and relationships would be that when I consult with some one towards method of intercourse we both desire and about what variety of obstacles we want to use—You will find wayyyy better intercourse. Like I’m not stating this because I’m a sex nerd. I’m suggesting my personal truthful queer woman reality. Gender is better once you mention desire along with your systems very first.

Let’s break it straight down.

Both you and this prospective hookup don’t know one another’s figures yet. Every single individual has actually their needs and clicks and moves, that turn all of them the f*ck on. And while you can perform a guessing game as long as you’re having sexual intercourse to find out just what ~feels good~ because of this brand new individual, you could potentially instead, speak about it in advance. Isn’t it enjoyable to f*ck somebody the direction they desire to be f*cked? Then you know already the go-to area on their behalf, for which you want to build-up to and how to get them to be putty within hand.

Picture by istock

About making reference to exactly what barriers and/or toys you wish to use while you are having sex—a countless folks think it’s super perhaps not beautiful and takes all the fun out of it. But picture in case you are making love although entire time you’re nervous as you actually wished to make use of a dental dam but don’t know how to inform this lady that and now you are unable to have an orgasm as you’re very in your thoughts about not speaking upwards to your requirements? That is no fun for anybody, trust me. Once you get that talk straightened out before starting having sexual intercourse, then you definitely know already to go for the condom if you use your strap-on or whether she is cool with liquid connecting or otherwise not. These are typically really important components of gender and then we should never dismiss them.

I have homework for all people scanning this immediately. Next time you’re having a brand new hookup with someone, you will need to incorporate some of those discussions when you smack the bedsheets and discover precisely what the results are. We bet you you will possess some mind-blowing consensual safer intercourse!

Got any intercourse questions? Go ahead and touch base:!